OK, so you and your spouse just made your annual resolutions to lose 20 pounds each by Easter. If it hadn't worked in 20 years, why will you be successful this time? Why not try some resolutions that are a bit more unique?
You may not prove any better at keeping these. If you are, promise to let everyone else know how. But here are some resolutions it might be fun to try for '09.
#10- I won't give in and give my dog treats unless he begs 100 times. Yeah, right! Farm people are too kind to do that, no matter what animal welfare zealots say. How many super-skinny farm dogs have you ever seen?
#9- I promise not to pass on one thing I hear at the elevator all year, not even to my wife. Oh, really. When Farmer Y's ground comes up for rent, you're not going to tell your wife? Maybe it's true, maybe not, but it will sure make good conversation.
#8- We won't go to another meeting that offers a free meal all winter. Now that's not even smart- with rising food prices, why pass up a chance to hold down the grocery bill.
#7- If we want to go to a meeting where food is served, we simply won't eat. Now that's about like the 'going to lose 20 pounds by April' resolution. These good ag events usually aren't catered by White Castle. Instead, they bring in out-of-town caterers that serve mouth-watering desserts- well, you get the picture.
#6- The next time my son asks for $20 for gas, he's not getting it! That's it, dad, get tough! But what are you going to do when you ask him to clean down the hog floor and he says 'no?'
#5- I'll open all of my Christmas presents and get them out of the package before next December. If my third cousin twice removed would quit putting those wretched nut driver sets in the grab bag, it would be a lot easier to keep this one!
#4- The next salesperson that shows up at my door hawking seed is getting the door back at them! OK, how did you know it would be a sales lady, a spitting image of Kelli Pickler. Now that's just unfair. Or for you ladies, a guy doing his Brad Pitt look-alike imitation knocks on the door- what are you going to do now?
#3- I promise I won't buy another electronic gizmo during the entire year. Man, I hope they don't bring out something spiffy in the next twelve months, like a tractor that drives itself.
#2- I refuse to log on to the Internet even one time this year. Be reasonable. How are you going to know whether that big storm will hit you or veer off? Your corn planting or hay cutting decision may depend upon it.
#1- I'll not open another issue of Indiana Prairie Farmer this year! What, and miss features like timely crops and financial information, tips on marketing, the scoop on the 2009 Farm Progress Show near Decatur , Illinois, instructions for contests with top prizes worth more than $1,000 each, and some of the best down-home humor anywhere? Who are you kidding?
Just face it. The best resolution, one you can keep, is this one: I never met a New Year's resolution I couldn't break!