This Diet Stuff Is Getting Out of Hand

Prairie Gleanings

Ready to try my new super secret weight loss system?

Published on: September 6, 2010
Last week, I heard the outline for one of the most preposterous diets ever. It calls for eating like a caveman.

That’s right, some sort of hunter/gatherer idea. Basically, it completely ignores the invention of agriculture. That crazy agriculture, I knew it was a fly-by-night fad.

Anyhow, as I discussed this diet with the person, I tried to point out how impossible that would be. After all, this person didn’t exactly strike me as a hunter. It’s o.k., she said, cheating is allowed. The diet does make a big production out of eating wild meat, but when you can’t find that, farm-raised will do.

So, unless you’re able to bag a few bucks during deer season, you’re pretty well guaranteed to cheat. I guess you could be a proficient berry gatherer. She did say that was allowed.

Near the end of the conversation, I made mention that cavemen were more worried about survival, not fitting into next season’s bikini. How could that possibly be a good, healthy eating plan?

I guess I’m thinking of this in a way too scientific manner, something our society did away with a few decades ago. I think I’m finally figuring out this diet thing. Here’s my plan to creating the next great weight-loss system.

First, I’ll find a terrible ingredient that has caused Americans to become obese. I’ll make a big production of how processed and unhealthy it is. I’ll go with High Fructose Corn Syrup.

Next, I need to pick some sort of “super food” that has a nice throwback feel to it. How about lima beans? 

Finally, I need to find a big celebrity to promote. Maybe I should go with a  vegetarian so we can toss in some anti-meat garbage just to amp it up for the news stations. How about Brad Pitt? Presto! You’ve got the next big thing, the Lima Bean Brad diet.

Sounds like a super secret weight loss solution. Or, maybe you’ve got another fad, just like that darn agriculture.

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