All the radio talk shows are making outrageous predictions about what is going to happen in 2011. Obama’s birth certificate is going to be found in Kenya. Sweden is going to be next European Union member to go broke. The moon landing is going to be proved to be hoax. China is going to declare Somalia a province. The Cleveland Indians are going to win the pennant.
You know what I mean, really over the edge kind of stuff.
From my point of view the New Year is going to be pretty much an extension of the old year. I’m calling for the unoutrageous. Ohio Farmer will publish 12 issues. Spring will provide a window for planting and then some wet weather. HSUS will spend millions on TV ads asking people to donate $19 a month to save animals. The Ohio legislature will debate angrily for months before passing a budget at the last second. Someone will pay $15,000 an acre for the neighbor’s farm. More troops will be needed in Afghanistan. There will be an Earthquake in Central America. Australia will have a drought. The Tribe will battle hard for last place in the American League Central.
I suspect this need to predict the future stems from our overwhelming interest in sports. It takes money to bet on the winner of a sporting event, but everyone is free to throw down their prediction of how the next game is going to turn out. Here in Buckeyeland opinions abound. Tressel is gonna sit all five of ‘em. Pryor will be a receiver in the NFL. Recruit Braxton Miller is going to start next season. Thad Matta’s team is a lock for the Final Four. Jared Sullinger will be the national player of the year. John Diebler will set the record for three point shots. The hockey team is trading pucks for tattoos.
Again I am calling for something little less dramatic. Of course another new attendance record will be set at Ohio Stadium. Gordon Gee will not talk about scheduling the Little Sisters of the Poor, but might verbally assault the Franciscan monks. Tressel will be happy to punt -- may be even on third down. The OSU defense will be good. Season ticket prices for games at the ‘shoe will increase $5 a seat – making those 16 inches the most valuable real estate in Ohio. The referees will get the blame for the basketball team losing a game to Minnesota. The OSU women basketballers will lose in the second round of the NCAA.
I know this kind of boring prognostication is not going to get me big ratings. Clearly you are better off to declare that a plague of locusts is going to sweep across Brazil. If it happens to come true, you can say “I knew it,” for a whole year. If it doesn’t come true, who even remembers.
OK I have no idea what might happen in 2011. But I look forward to writing about it in this blog, as well as in the pages of Ohio Farmer, as it happens. If you want something more sensational, try the radio or the grocery store.