Last Dec. 31, I was getting excited about my promises to become a smaller person. I had to lose some weight.
Now that the middle of the year is approaching, I wonder what happened. Did somebody take all of my diet drinks and hide them?
No, there they sit, still and undisturbed in the corner of the kitchen. Containers of powder waiting for dilution into what they call "shakes" are covered with dust and cobwebs, like my dreams of returning to my "optimum" weight, at least.
At work, they have this wonderful walking program that even awards prizes if you beat the other participants in your daily jaunts. But the neat new computerized wristband pace counter still sits neatly in its original wrapper on top of my bookcase. It is a monument to good intentions.
My health insurance company keeps sending me little notes on keeping healthy by walking, but they end up shredded and sent on to recycling.
I am not sure why, but motivation seems to leak out as the year progresses. I have made many attempts returning to my diet and walking, all to be daunted by the specter of "busy schedules" or rain.
Both of which, I have decided, are just excuses.
And, so I feel bad about myself as I sit here still overweight and under-inspired. Nevertheless, I did get back on the sidewalk today and I have one of my "shakes" sitting beside me as I write this. That's progress, but too bad about all the months since January I've missed. I could be looking like an Adonis right now, but have to continue as Bacchus (at least I still look like a god).
I think I might really do it this time, but I must say the past failures work to weaken by resolution. Nevertheless, I did quit smoking cold turkey on my own, and if I could do that, there must be some reservoir of determination to draw water from.
We never need to not self-improve, no matter how perfect we assume we have become (there's room for change there, obviously), so we can strive to move from good to better to best.
That's what my 8th grade algebra teacher wrote in my student book:
Good, better, best
Never let it rest,
Until the good is better,
And the better best.
I guess she was preparing for my flunking grade. But I was inspired to look closer at my early-teen self, and decided to become a journalist rather than a space cadet (does anyone remember Tom Corbett and the Space Cadets??? No, not the governor of Pennsylvania.).
But my teacher's advice has been good help. And that's why in failing in my weight loss effort, I feel I have denied myself one of my character building blocks. Always I have thought that we can do anything we set out to do, but in this case it seems to dilute my belief.
So, I have to succeed to like myself again. And I will.